Your Spanish channel has subtitles? Mine only has midgets and strippers and guys in cowboy hats trying to sell me cars.

When considering humanity, it’s important to consider the entire stinking mass as a whole, from the dumbfucks to the geniuses. And then grade ‘em on a curve.

99.9% of the litter on the street is packaging. Ban packaging and there will be no litter. “I’ll take a Whopper. No wrapper, no bag. In fact, just hand-feed it to me through that drive-thru window. Like a baby.” “Eww. What’s that in your pocket?” “A pound of hamburger. I’m gonna make spaghetti tonight.” No [...]

In life, everything is negotiable except those things which must adhere to the laws of physics and karma.

He opened doors to moonlit rooms and languid eyes and knowing smiles. Wrapped in silk he was devoured and never seen again.

Sweet sleepy time dreams. Afternoon nightmare scream. Awake, dreary-eyed. The boss yells, “Get back to work!” Not yet five o’clock.

Schleps, mongrels, and monkey boy hermaphrodites. Shine your light down pustulating bunghole alleyways of hypocrisy. Run those daggers deep!

Of course you’re going to smell like garbage if you spend all your time driving behind the garbage truck! Get out from there and pull ahead! #life #stinks Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T Posted via email from whuddafug